I followed a guy home today who was driving a white Pontiac Trans-Am with Washington State license plates and the Bat Man logo on his door. He kept wanting to go really fast but there were too many cars on the road.

Listen, tough guy. While I’m sure, where you come from, there aren’t other cars around for miles and you can race around in your glorified Hot Wheel, we Californians prefer our fellow drivers not be crazy when we’re trying to negotiate rush hour traffic. And furthermore, maybe in Washington chicks think you’re cool if you drive around pretending to be a comic book hero, but around here you’re just plain weird.

In fact, girls aren’t thinking “Wow, what a cool guy.” They’re thinking “Small Penis.” Okay, maybe it’s just me who’s thinking that.