Tonight Andrea and I attended a lactation class to learn how to feed the two little ones after they arrive. We were the only couple expecting twins so we got a little extra attention as the Certified Lactation Expert gave us all tips on how to make breast feeding easier. This being a class about breasts, I thought I might enjoy it. While it wasn’t quite what I was hoping, there were some fun moments that occured while receiving some much-needed info.

The highlights…

To break the ice, the expert handed out, to each of us, a small trinket that was supposed to represent something about breast feeding. We then went around the room saying what we thought our trinket meant. For example, one lady had money which meant breast feeding was more economical than bottle feeding. One of the men had a condom. He guessed it was because women weren’t supposed to get pregnant while breast feeding. The expert corrected him by saying that women could get pregnant so the condom was a reminder that, while intimacy was important, condoms were a necessity if you didn’t want to get pregnant again. While on the topic, the expert stressed the importance of having a sexual relationship after getting clearance from the doctor. She then said, “Find the time to fit it in. Put the baby to sleep and then take advantage of that time. You’ll only need 10 minutes or less, right”

During the talk, the expert kept talking about milk ducts. I, however, kept hearing Milk Duds and I had a hard time focusing with images of chocolate and caramel dancing in my head.

As we got to the part on how dads could help, it was suggested that the dads always be the ones to give a bottle while mom is breast feeding so the baby associates Dad with the bottle and Mom with the breast. In fact, she strongly suggested that for the first bottle feeding Dad send Mom out for a massage or a manicure so he can feed the baby without Mom listening at the door. After her talk, one woman asked “So let me get this straight, the mother is supposed to be gone when the Dad gives the baby it’s very first bottle” “That’s correct” the expert replied. At this point I noticed the reaction of the women in the room and I couldn’t help comment out loud, “And all the moms in the room chuckled nervously.”

Finally, we were given dolls to work with as the moms practiced each of the different techniques of holding the baby while breast feeding (Andrea was given the advanced course of how to do two at a time). Once we were done, we held the dolls on our lap for the remainder of the talk. At one point, one of the fathers clumsily dropped the baby doll on the floor. A horrified look crossed his face as he lunged for the doll at his feet and quickly handed the doll off to his wife. The rest of the class burst out laughing.

Thank God that wasn’t me.