• Sleep deprivation is a really effective means of torture
• Velcro on diapers rank with one of the greatest innovations ever
• Bottle warmers are a complete waste of time
• The quickest way to tell if it’s time for a diaper change is to smell the babies’ backside
• My wife is a much deeper sleeper than I thought she was
• Babies really don’t like it when you suction out their nose
• Babies won’t accept $20, $50 or even $100 to just… stop… crying
• Dinner time is whenever we find time to shove something down our throats
• Anything that can be heated in the microwave is my new favorite food
• When you “burp” a baby, the gas doesn’t always come out of the mouth
• 1 out of every 10 people who learn I have boy/girl twins ask if they’re identical
• There isn’t a Human Resources person out there that really understands the Family Medical Leave Act.
• More women smile at you when you have a baby strapped to your chest.
• If you wipe down a baby with a damp washcloth and then slather scented baby lotion on, everyone will think your baby just had a bath.
• Don’t say anything you don’t want the neighborhood to know in front of the baby monitor.
• Sometimes it takes having twins to finally meet your neighbors
• I still have no desire to taste the breast milk
• Going to the bathroom requires more advanced planning than it used to
• Our parents call a lot more now that we have given them grandchildren
• Eventually, even the cat will adjust to having twins

Okay fellow parents, what have you learned