SAHD Experience: Day 4
Some quick observations of my last few days…
“Would you like to lower your mortgage payment today?”
There should be a special place in hell for telemarketers. I always thought that those people who called precisely when we sat down to dinner were the worst. I was wrong. The people who call right when I finally get both babies to sleep are the worst. Don’t even get me started on those who want me to change my nice, 30-year fixed rate mortage for an interest-only mortagage so I can see “substantial savings.”
They don’t “just keep going and going…”
We have vibrating bouncy seats for the twins. They love the vibrations when they’re cranky. The vibrations are produced by a single “D” battery. I have gone through six “D” batteries in the past week. Of course, if I’d just remember to turn the damn things off when the babies aren’t in them, they might last a bit longer. I’m down to my last D battery and it’s only Thursday. What am I going to do? Maybe I can just get Nutmeg the cat to purr on them or something (yeah right, she still won’t go near them).
“Daddy, I have a tickle in my throat.”
Bri has started to use a fake cough. My sister-in-law warned us of this tactic as my nephew Tommy used the fake cough whenever he was annoyed. Swee’Pea is clearly using it to get my attention. It’s not working though. Really, it’s not. Bri, take a cough drop for cryin’ out loud! See. It’s not working.
What’s next, the building full of charcoal?
Twice in the past month a warehouse full of something extremely flammable has burned down within a a few miles of us. Last month it was a warehouse full of wooden pallets. This week it was a warehouse full of cardboard boxes. The air quality hasn’t been so hot so we haven’t been able to take that long anticipated walk (that’s my reason, and I’m sticking to it).
What do you mean Mommy doesn’t do it this way?
When it comes to play time here at the Childs Play household, we pull out all the stops. Yes, they get tummy time and we practice rolling on the rubber mats, but we also have “race around the house” time. I hold one baby out in front of me (facing outwards) and race around the house yelling “I’m on top of the wooorrrrrllllllld.” We end up collapsing on the bed in our bedroom where I shower them with kisses and tumble them around the soft covers. They love it.
Keep the Binky in your mouth, Bri.
I have looked online and I have found no tool or device that keeps a binky in a kids mouth. Not-for-profit-dad had once mentioned duct tape, but that wasn’t on this list so I don’t think I should try it. I’ll have to keep looking because Swee’Pea likes to play the “how many times will daddy keep putting the binky back in my mouth” game. Answer: As many times as it gets her to sleep.
Okay, so it’s not the greatest of milestones, but it’s a start.
We have a couple of neighbors who have babies that were born about 1 month and 2 months after ours were, respectively. Every time they mention what they’re kid is doing – something like rolling around on the floor or reciting pi to the 20th digit, I think, “Wow, your kids are advanced! Andrea pointed out to me the other day that our kids might be a bit delayed in reaching certain milestones because they’re twins and they were smaller when born. That never occured to me. It never occured to me that our kids would be delayed in any way. Oh well. Today TheMonk held his own bottle all by himself for an entire feeding session. Pretty impressive considering I can’t hold my own beer bottle to my mouth for more than a few seconds at a time. So go smoke that you pi reciting little rascals!
Hey, did you know Swee’Pea has poopy diapers?
Last night I had adult contact with people outside my house for the first time in five days. The Y I work for had it’s annual fund raising dinner and I went to help out (even though I was getting charged a vacation day). While there I found myself saying things like, “Bri was constipated yesterday and was really cranky. Then she had the biggest crap ever and it was all good after that.” What’s up with me? Is this what happens to people who spend inordinate amounts of time with babies? All we can come up with to make conversation is our children’s bowel movements? Lord help me.
Well, that’s just a few thoughts on this whole SAHD thing. Things are going well though. How come nobody told me the babies could be so much fun?
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Those toy manufacturers must be in cahoots with the companies that make batteries. We go through batteries like crazy too. Costco is good for buying in bulk. But you should be able to plug them into an outlet in the first place which would cut down on a lot of waste.
Comment by Rose — November 3, 2005 @ 6:49 pm
IXNAY on the UCTDAY APETAY, it leaves evidence. They are NOT delayed, those mothers are playing that old my-baby-is smarter-faster-or-cuter-that-yours game. I impress all my staff with the picture of 4 month old JT on the computer, I know he was trying to email me. They all acknowledge that he is a superior child. It couldn’t have anything to do with with the fact that I’m the Boss?
Comment by Grandmother — November 3, 2005 @ 7:26 pm
I spend an inordinate amount of time thinking about poop and how to keep In-fant flowing.
So, when are we gonna hear some frustration? Some “I’m now selling the KIDS on Cafepress?” All this love and warm fuzzy stuff is making me feel inadequate.
Comment by MIM — November 3, 2005 @ 9:18 pm
Sounds like you’re doing great, Matthew. I think Day 3 must have been one of those pinnacle “make or break” times. Me? I think I’d be bouncing the twins off each other by now. You have the patience of Job. Of course, the cuteness factor makes things easier, doesn’t it? Have a great weekend.
Comment by MetroDad — November 4, 2005 @ 6:54 am
Telemarketers: I got an unlisted telephone number. I also used to turn off the ringer off at naptime.
Batteries: We got rechargeable ones, what with the bouncy seats, swings and whatever else we could find to MAKE THEM SLEEP. Changing batteries was just part of the routine. We actually have FOUR bouncy seats. We wore out the vibrating thingies on the first two.
Binkies: Have you tried the Soothies with the animals attached? I’ll see if I can find you a link. It’s the brand they used in the NICU, and my daughters still use them.
Bragging parents: Just nod & smile. When they ask what YOUR kids are doing, just say, “Hmm. I don’t really know. Are they supposed to DO anything?”
Poop: is now your life.
Comment by Becky — November 4, 2005 @ 10:19 am
http://www.soothie-pacifier.com/list.asp?d=2&p=1
Hint: If they don’t hold onto these? Put a drop or two of Superglue on the pacifier.
Comment by Becky — November 4, 2005 @ 10:38 am
Gorgeous photo of you and your bebes. And I’m loving Bri’s fake-cough trick. Those fake coughs come in handy. My son recently effected one, but that’s because he’s addicted to having vicks vaporub smeared on his chest every night.
Comment by surcie — November 4, 2005 @ 11:47 am
Comment by Corinne — November 4, 2005 @ 12:24 pm
Or … put the telephone down next to the screaming babies.
Comment by Becky — November 4, 2005 @ 12:35 pm
Re: Binkys. You can buy these little clips for them. A velcro strap goes around the binky’s “handle,” and a clip secures the thing to their clothes. It won’t keep it her mouth, but it will keep it on her person. I think the sound of a binky hitting the floor is one of the most grating in nature.
Comment by Dave — November 6, 2005 @ 6:44 am