TheMonk and Bri,

I almost missed bananas today.

You see, we’re slowly introducing new solids to you every few days. You’re not too far into this “eating solids” thing so each new experience is fun to watch. So far you’ve tried rice cereal, oatmeal and squash. Tonight, it was bananas.

I love watching the first bite. That first bite of each new food triggers facial expressions that seem to show how your brain is processing each new flavor and texture. You will then look up at me or your mother and we make eye contact. We nod and smile, encouraging you to accept this new food as something good. As your little lips smack and inevitably food oozes out of your tiny mouth you decide that you like it. You may smile or open your mouth instinctively for more. You two are little adventurers and each new food is an adventure to savor.

And tonight it was bananas. My work was a little hectic today and I left 15 minutes later than I know I have to if I’m going to make it in time to feed you. My commute is 35 minutes if traffic is good, 40 minutes if traffic is normal, and 45 to 50 minutes if traffic is bad. I hoped for good traffic today. I didn’t get it. Soon enough, I got a call from your mommy. “It’s time to feed them. How far away are you?” She asked. I looked where I was on the freeway, surrounded by cars. “About 15 minutes.” I replied. “Do you want me to feed them squash instead?” Your mommy asked, as I was unable to hide my disappointment at missing your feeding. I wanted to say “Yes.” I wanted to wait until tomorrow to see that first bite of banana. But then I realized there’s no guarantee I would make it home tomorrow night in time, either. “No…” I sighed, “go ahead and feed them bananas. I’ll be home as soon as I can.”

I hung up the phone. I had turned down the radio to talk to your mother and it was silent around me. I sighed again and thought about missing this first. Tonight, I was missing bananas. What would I be missing in the future? School plays? Sports performances? Music recitals? Bedtime baths? Goodnight stories?

I took a deep breath and I imagined these scenarios in my head. I was disappointed but when I thought about how you might be disappointed by me not being there, I felt crushed. I never want to let you down. I never want to let my job interfere with my primary responsibility of being your parent. Yes, my job is important, but being your father is the most important thing I will do in this lifetime. I can reschedule meetings but I can’t reschedule all of these firsts. I’m just going to have to find a way to do a good job at work and do a great job at home. In this new year, that is my resolution.

As my thoughts continued, traffic thinned and my pace picked up. Lights turned green for me as I made my way off the freeway and onto the surface streets to home. Soon enough I pulled into the garage and bounded out of the car and into the house. You were there, strapped into your chairs, while Mommy fed you bananas. I rushed over, picked up a spoon and fed TheMonk a gob of banana. It was not your first taste of banana, TheMonk, but it was one of your first bites. I could tell you liked it. I smiled at you to reassure you that you were eating yummy stuff. You looked up at me and laughed.

I laughed too.

I almost missed bananas. I’m so glad I didn’t.

Love,
Daddy