Have they been put to sleep?
I lie awake. It’s late at night – or early morning. I’m not sure so I turn to look at the clock. It’s 5:15 a.m. The stillness of the early morning is incredible. I hear Andrea sleeping soundly next to me and I think back to the night before. Did I have to get up to comfort a baby? Yes, once. It was TheMonk this time and it was quick and easy. A pat on his little body was all he needed to go back to sleep. That was about midnight. Since then, I’ve had uninterrupted sleep. For weeks, Swee’Pea has been waking up between 4:30 a.m. and 5:00 a.m. and will not go back to sleep in her crib. I’ve had to hold her in my arms out in the loft to get her back to sleep. So, now I wait for Swee’Pea’s familiar cry to go get her – before she wakes up TheMonk.
It’s now 5:30 a.m. I continue to wait. A fleeting thought crosses my mind. “Maybe she’s dead.” I think. I nervously laugh off that thought and tell myself that everything’s fine. I should enjoy this extra time to sleep in. I try to drift off to sleep but my brain keeps waiting for the cry. It’s gotta happen anytime now.
5:45 a.m. Now, I’m getting nervous. I haven’t heard a peep over the baby monitor. What if both are dead? What if, I go in the room and both are dead. How could I live with myself knowing that I was lying in bed letting my children die in the room down the hall? STOP! Get these thoughts out of your mind. They’re fine. Really. Go back to sleep for God’s sake! Besides, what’s the chance that both are dead? Very slim. Go back to sleep.
Andrea has now gotten up to shower. I continue to lie there in the room as light starts to creep in from outside. The covers are nice and cozy. I don’t want to get up.
But what if the babies are dead?
THEY’RE NOT DEAD YOU MORON – THEY’RE SLEEPING!!! LIKE YOU SHOULD BE DOING!!!!
6:00 a.m. I can’t stand it any more. Even though I still have 10 minutes before I have to get them up, I get out of bed and head towards the room. Nutmeg the cat, sensing my sense of purpose (or maybe she just wanted a treat), follows along. I quietly open the door. TheMonk’s head pops up to look at me. His binky is still in his mouth. He smiles and I go to get him. As I do, I hear Swee’Pea start to stir.
As I head out the door, with a very-much-alive TheMonk in my arms. I glance down and make eye contact with Nutmeg. I smile at her and say, “I knew they were alive all along.”
Nutmeg turns and heads down the hall with her tail in the air. “Sure you did.” she seems to be saying.
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My father in law had a twin brother who died of SIDS when they were 3mos old. My husband got up all the time to check on both kids (3 and 1) up til they were 9mos old or so. It’s a real fear that crosses a parent’s mind. When you’re used to them getting up so often and then they don’t, it can be scary. I’ve actually called the doc when my son would sleep for hours on end during the day AND night. He told me to enjoy it.
Bri’s just testing you I think. Seeing if you can take the heart attack for when she’s dating. Ha! Send JT as a chaperone/bodyguard!
Comment by Trish — March 8, 2006 @ 9:31 am
I’m starting to worry about YOU!
I meant to comment about the Oscar article yesterday but when you are busy fighting for human rights and busy with the media…
Forget The Notebook not worth the paper towel. Do watch Napoleon Dynamite, it will make you laugh and cheer for the underdog besides he has a friend named Pedro (his only friend)who is also a riot.
Forget Brokeback Mountain if you want a movie about gays watch The Bird Cage, funny and they live happily everafter.
If you are short on time and want to watch worthwhile movies then let me be your guide; Crash, see it, talk about it later with your spouse, partner or/and friends; Good Night and Good Luck, terrific and Edward R. Murrow was a master of the English language. Yes, reporters, commentators used to speak like that.
CAPOTE, for Philip S. Hoffman’s performance. When I was a child I recall seeing Truman Capote on Johnny Carson and he really spoke that way and giggled too.
But if you’re just looking for a great night of entertainment with some spunky cowboy music, definetly see Walk The Line, you’ll see why Reese got the Oscar for best actress.
PS. One of the media took note of my screen saver which features a great photo of JT in the tub voguing for the camera. I told him he has a cute sister and cousin too and that they are looking for their BIG BREAK. And the OSCAR goes to…Bri, JT, Tommy Henry
Comment by Grandmother — March 8, 2006 @ 10:14 am
I was going to comment about what a “chick” you’ve become, but then the SIDS comment made me feel bad about it. I know someone who recently lost their 9 month old to it, so it is serious. But statistically unlikely.
This was SUCH a conversation I’ve had in bed with myself so many times I can’t tell you (and my child is 2.5 now.) I always figured it was a “chick”/hormone thing cause my husband never seems to go through it. Glad to hear it may just be that he doesn’t want me to revoke his “man card”.
Comment by mama speak — March 8, 2006 @ 11:14 am
You just summed up my life 2-5 nights a week. Whenever the kids throw us for a loop with their sleep – I fight that neurotic urge to get up to check on them anyway! I lay there and tell myself they are MORE than fine – they’re sleeping… but eventually I nudge my husband and send him in to check. Then I can roll over and go back to sleep!
Comment by Het — March 8, 2006 @ 11:25 am
Been there, done that with ALL five of my children. If my 2 yr old actually sleeps all night, I still check on her.
Comment by Julie — March 8, 2006 @ 11:39 am
I think that is the fear that we all get at least once… a day. I still wonder about my two-year-old sometimes. My kids are just so precious to me that the thought of losing one of them is just unbearable. However, I’ve been punished enough for checking on them when I shouldn’t have (I end up waking them), so usually I just say a quick prayer and try to drift off again.
Comment by Deanna — March 8, 2006 @ 12:03 pm
You know, eventually all kids sleep through the night. That was really funny Matthew. I’m paranoid though, I might have gotten up to check.
Comment by Melissa — March 8, 2006 @ 12:05 pm
The SIDS comment points out that for some, this is a genuine and heart-rending reality.
The first night my first child slept through, that was me: I was standing outside her door fearing that she was dead and would I be a bad parent if I didn’t go in, and *knowing* she wasn’t and that I’d be a fool if I did. I did that the first time. After that? Nuh-uh. I’ve only been thrilled beyond words by long sleeps. Thrilled. A gift from God, and I’m going to waste it lying awake?
Comment by Mary — March 8, 2006 @ 12:42 pm
Ugh, I hate that feeling! I still get it when one of the kids sleeps in late.
Comment by Katie — March 8, 2006 @ 3:52 pm
I know how you feel. When my twins were born I was constantly checking on them. To this day if they sleep a little longer than usual I have to go in and check…just check…to make sure they’re ok.
(Hey, the monitors could have a glitch!)
Comment by Ramona — March 8, 2006 @ 3:56 pm
Definitely been there. You wish so long for them to just sleep through the night already, and then, when they do you’re too paranoid to enjoy it. Now I’m just thanking God every morning for another night of uninterrupted sleep.
Comment by Amy — March 8, 2006 @ 7:43 pm
I had the same “is the baby dead” experience with my singleton AND my twins. Both times I LEAPT out of bed from a sound sleep after having opened on eye toward the alarm clock and realized I had slept all night.
Both times I shook them HARD to make them wake up and cry.
It was weird with the twins, because having HAD the experience once, I was sort of expecting it.
But I was just as scared when it happend, and just as relieved when they cried in annoyance at being awoken.
Comment by Bridgette — March 9, 2006 @ 7:36 am
Even with co-sleeping (maybe ESPECIALLY with co-sleeping) I have had numerous moments like these. I look over at the one in the middle, then the one on my left, and I drift off to sleep. A few hours later…I wake up and do it again, just to be sure. The sounder they sleep..the less sound I do!
I don’t know how you do it with twins…I would probably just hook myself up to a coffee IV and not bother sleeping again.
Comment by Dana — March 9, 2006 @ 1:58 pm
I still freak out when the boys sleep past 6:00 am, and they are nearly-6 and nearly-4. Of course, they never do it on the weekends, when I would LIKE to sleep in, but only during the week, when I have to wake them up so we can all race off to school. Sigh.
Comment by Susan — March 10, 2006 @ 7:10 pm
What kind of baby monitor do you have? The one we have, which really cool-ly cost only like 16 bucks, is so good that you can hear them breathe. You can hear any movement, especially if a foot or hand whacks a crib rail.
When I have a moment like that one (and we all do) I lie there for a sec, and usually I hear breathing.
Now, the crazy part of my brain says, “okay, ONE of them is fine.” So then I have to go check anyway sometimes. But it’s a little easier to stand it if I can hear them breathing, and it makes me get up and check less often.
If you want to hear what kind of monitor it is, just drop me an email. I won’t post it here so it doesn’t sound like Spam or something.
Comment by Kim Wells — March 10, 2006 @ 8:08 pm
Over 2 1/2 years later, I still have those same crazy thoughts. I just don’t act on them anymore!
Comment by MIM — March 11, 2006 @ 10:03 am
16 comments say it all. We all experience the same things.I am on my third and if he doesn’t wake us up at 4:00am I wonder. It is not as bad now as it was with Merry
Comment by Peter — March 14, 2006 @ 12:17 pm