I don’t spend a lot of time examining my knees. They are there. They work most of the time. I pretty much take them for granted.

Lately, as I’ve been doing the scrub-down in the shower I have noticed that my knees have what looked like dry patches on them. Even that didn’t cause me to inspect them much closer.

A few days ago, however, I had a few extra seconds when drying off after my shower to take a closer look (and when I say a few extra seconds, I’m being truthful. My shower time is always a delicate balance between blissful solitude and hearing the babies screaming in the next room while Andrea yells over the screaming to find out what’s taking me so long). But I digress. What I noticed upon careful inspection was not your typical dry skin.

I have calluses.

On my knees.

From always crawling around on the carpet while playing with the twins.

So, do I keep the calluses for the time being because now that I think about it, the crawling around has become less painful on the knees? Or do I loofah those bad boys right outta here?

See what parenthood has done to me? It’s come down to me now contemplating using a loofah.

About a week-and-a-half ago I received an email from someone alerting me that April 12th was National Licorice Day.

I did not know that. How fortunate was I, to receive this news via email in such a timely manner?

Well, my fortune did not end there. The person sending me the email actually wanted to send me Red Vines licorice.

Well, I knew that licorice wouldn’t be turned down in this household (considering Andrea went through a 4 lb. tub of Red Vines during her pregnancy) so I thought, why not?

Late last week, the licorice arrived. Behold the licoricy goodness that has descended on my household.

So, while I may not be making any money on my smart ass shirts, at least I’ve got my licorice.

If you were a reader of this blog prior to the past holiday season you may remember the series of guest bloggers who were kind enough to expound on their favorite family holiday traditions. The purpose of this, as you may recall, is that Andrea and I couldn’t really name too many traditions that we had ourselves and we’d been discussing things we’d like to introduce in the future. It got me to thinking that it would be great to hear what other families are doing in this respect and I invited a bunch of cool folks to participate.

So, now that we’re safely away from the holiday season, I imagine there are many non-holiday traditions that families participate in. So, I’d like to reintroduce this conversation and I’ve done so by asking more bloggers out there to contribute. You’ll be hearing from the likes of Friday Playdate, Bite My Cookie, Two Pink Lines, Deanna’s Corner, The Dog’s Breakfast, Better Butter and I’m sure I can persuade some Dads as well.

To get this started, Andrea and I have come up with a few things that would be fun for us to do as the kids get a bit older. In no particular order, here they are…

1) One-on-One Dates. Being a parent of twins (and I imagine more than one child, period) makes it hard to spend quality one-on-one time with each child. Therefore, Andrea and would like to have regularly scheduled “Dates” with our children. One month it might be TheMonk and me going to a football game and Swee’Pea and Andrea going bike riding along the beach and the next it might be Swee’Pea and Daddy going to see a concert while Mommy and TheMonk go to dinner and a movie. I am already looking forward to these moments where we can really get to know each of our children – and they can get to know us.

2) Family Awards Night. I stole this idea from the local morning Deejays that keep me company on my commute to work each day. Each year his family has an Awards Night complete with tuxedos and gowns, nominees and acceptance speeches. My favorite category was “Best House Cat.” This seems like it would be fun and is right up my alley with being silly and loving at the same time.

3) The Red Plate. When we got married almost six years ago, we were given a Red Plate with the inscription You are special today as a wedding gift. It comes with a permanent pen to write important dates and events on the back. We have yet to use it ourselves but I think it will be great to reward each other’s accomplishments with getting to use the Red Plate at dinner time.

4) Johnny Walker Celebration Night. This is where we all pass around a liter bottle of Johnny Walker, taking sips, until one of us passes out. At that point the rest of us will decorate the passed out one’s face with the permanent marker from the Red Plate.*

5) Family Nights. I mentioned in my last Family Traditions post, but I think it bears repeating. I want to make sure that our family doesn’t get so busy that we stop being a family. I want us to spend some regularly scheduled quality time together that doesn’t include fast-food meals on the way to soccer practice. So, we’re planning on designating a night a week where no one will have activities. Instead, we’ll have dinner and watch movies or play games or play the Johnny Walker game – as long as we’re doing things together.

Well, that’s what I have so far. I’m looking forward to seeing what our guest bloggers out there have to say. As always, feel free to leave your family traditions in the comment section.

*Just kidding. (I just wanted to make sure you’re paying attention)

This was a banner weekend at the Childsplayx2 household. We actually took at least one of the twins out on both Saturday and Sunday.

On Saturday, TheMonk and I went to my Y*M*C*Ato see the Healthy Kids Day activities our Y was hosting. TheMonk got his face painted and was fawned over by every childcare worker we have. At first, he wasn’t sure by all of the attention. His look was so serious that his cheeks seemed even chubbier than usual, leading one of my staff to say that he looked like a “little Godfather.” I had to laugh, because it was so true. After a while, however, he warmed up and we had a great afternoon. TheMonk started babbling non-stop (showing off to the pretty girls, I’m sure) until we finally had to head on home.

On Sunday, the whole family packed up and headed to the church where we will be getting them baptized, figuring it would be nice to actually attend a mass at the church since we’ve never attended that one. Again, TheMonk wanted to talk after getting warmed up. Luckily, it was muffled by his binky and it wasn’t too loud. Swee’Pea also got into the act by letting out an occasional shriek. Overall, however, they behaved beautifully.

After mass, we headed to the mall to get them some baptism clothes. I suggested bathing suits, but Andrea wasn’t too sure. So, we picked up a little white dress for Swee’Pea and a cute little suit for TheMonk. Stay tuned for photos.

The greatest thing about this trip is that Swee’Pea got the front seat in the stroller (she’s usually too shy to be comfortable in the front seat) and she LOVED it. She was swinging her feet and waving to everyone who passed. Being the typical big brother, TheMonk kept trying to reach forward and pull Swee’Pea’s hair. But, overall, it was a great time.

The other great thing that happened this weekend is that our dear friends Chris and Kristie volunteered to baby sit while Andrea and I went out. I know. I’m nominating them for sainthood in the near future. They can be the patron saints of twin parents. Anyway, Andrea and I enjoyed a dinner out followed by some coffee at Starbucks. The conversation was great and we only talked about the twins 85% of the time. Not bad. Although, you know you’ve been preoccupied when you can no longer remember your age.

Me: “I can’t believe I’m going to be 35 in a few months. Thirty-five! Where did that come from?!”
Andrea: “You’re going to be 35?”
Me: “Yep. And you’re going to be XX*”
Andrea: “I am? No, I’m not!”
Me: “Yes, you are. You’re X years younger than me. You were born in 19XX. That means you’re going to be XX.”
Andrea: “Wow.”

So, as you can see, we need to get out more often. If only to keep track of our age!

*The author wishes to remain sleeping in his bed. The couch is not nearly as comfortable. Therefore, his wife’s age will not be revealed in this post.

To my little ones,

I woke up today, as always, with you on my mind – thinking of another day with both of you in my life. What a wonderful way to start the day. In the 10 months you have been in my life, I cannot imagine my life without you.

That is why, when I opened today’s newspaper and I read a story about a vivacious, bright and energetic 15-year-old boy who was hit and killed by a train as he tried to cross the tracks, I wept. I wept for the boy whose potential will never blossom. I wept for his parents who must be beside themselves with grief. And I wept for you, my little ones, knowing that someday you will venture out into this world without my watchful eye.

Someday, I will have to trust you to make good decisions – even when those around you may encourage you to make the wrong ones. In the coming years I will do everything I can to teach you the difference between right and wrong. I will try and teach you to make the good but often more difficult choice over the wrong, and maybe more popular ones.

But ultimately the decision will be yours. I want you to know how important you are to me. I want you to know that when you are out of my sight I worry about you. Not because I don’t trust you, but because I know I can’t be there to protect you. You are my shining stars. My guiding light and I want you to live a long and successful life. My body aches for that to happen. My mind worries that it might not.

So, when you are 15 or 13 or 25 or 55, please remember that the decisions you make each and every moment can have enormous consequences. Please, make the right choice, little ones. Today, I weep for a boy I never knew. I can’t imagine there being enough tears in the world were something to happen to you.

Love,
Daddy.

Bri, our little happy girl, has learned to clap. She claps in the morning, she claps in the evening, she’s clapping all-day long, all over this land. It’s pretty damn cute. And I’m not just saying that because I’m her dad.

It was only a matter of time, with all of the photos we take of the twins, that we would catch her in the act of clapping. Although, dressed in her “Girls Night Out” outfit that Grandmother couldn’t resist buying, she looks like she’s praying for me to let her hit the town.

Um, the answer is no. Not unless TheMonk can go along to threaten any guy who goes near her too.

“Please, Daddy? Can I go, huh?”

In the late ’90′s there was a song by Baz Lurhman that was taken from a column written by Chicago Tribune columnist Mary Schmich. The text to Everybody’s Free to Wear Sunscreen was something that has stuck with me over the years. Someday, when I’m rich and famous, I hope to deliver the commencement address to TheMonk and Swee’Pea’s graduating high school class. This, I imagine, is what I’ll say…

TheMonk, Swee’Pea, and the class of 2023.

Update your virus protection.

The longterm benefits of protecting your computer from worms, trojans and other malicious viruses has been well-documented. The rest of the so-called “wisdom” I’m about to impart may, in fact, be a bunch of crap. But here it goes anyway…

Don’t ever utter the phrase, “What will other people think?” The minute you start living your lives based on what others may think of you, you will stop really living. The better question is, “What do I think and what will I think of this 1, 5 or 10 years from now?”

Don’t go barefoot in the garage. Proving you never stop learning, my wife taught me this when we moved into our first home together. Because she’s always right, I’m passing this info onto you.

Love others but, just as important, love yourself. If you love yourself – imperfections and all – others will be drawn to you in a way you never imagined. Love truly is what makes the world go ’round but it has to start with yourself first. Look in the mirror. Do you love what you see? You’d better, because if you don’t love it, who will?

Don’t spend money you don’t have. This may seem like a simple concept, but millions of your fellow citizens haven’t caught on. You can be smarter than the rest of them by remembering that credit card companies are evil. The number one stress in most people’s lives has to do with money. Don’t let that be you – it’s much harder to start over than never to go down that road to begin with.

While we’re on the topic of stress… You will encounter stress at all turns in life. Stress is only negative when you choose to perceive it that way. Often, the best ideas come from stressful situations. We think best when stretched beyond our comfort zone. The butterflies in your stomach can be perceived as a bundle of nerves or it can be perceived as potential ready to burst out of every cell in your body. Let that potential overpower all doubt. Embrace the butterflies and potential will become reality.

Don’t ever ask, “Do I look fat?”

Give to charity. When you give to others, it comes back to you in ways you cannot imagine. If you cannot give money, then give time. Time is a precious resource but when you spend some of it giving to those less fortunate, time stands still – for you and for those you help.

Continue your education. Some of you may already be educated from the School of Hard Knocks but going to school will be one of the greatest investments you can make. Get your AA, your BA, your MA, your MBA or your MD. Just get it. In school, find your passion and pursue it with all of your might! Follow your passion with fervor and success will follow.

Make funny faces at children you don’t know.

For that matter, don’t let your inner-child disappear. Dance in the streets! Sing out loud! Play the Hokey Pokey. Laugh when you think of something funny. Show me where it says that once you reach adulthood you have to be so serious. Where is it written that adulthood is so much better that we must forget the joys of youth? Don’t forget. Your children will thank you for it (that is, when they’re not being embarrassed by you).

Don’t buy cheap chocolate. Some things are just worth the money.

Make new friends but keep the old ones. As an adult, making new friends is hard. You no longer have the easy avenues that school creates to form solid bonds with those around you. It’s difficult to put yourself out there in exchange for a mutually beneficial relationship. Do it anyway. However, knowing these challenges exist, nurture the important relationships you already have. Those sitting next to you may one day be your child’s godparents or perhaps your Friday night out. These people will know you in ways few others ever will. Don’t take it for granted.

Exercise. You’ll be glad you did.

Be kind to Senior Citizens. And I’m not just saying this because soon, I’ll be in that category. Our seniors are the ties to our past. Don’t ignore them, learn from them. Show them respect because, someday, you’ll be there yourself wondering where the time went.

Be kind to seniors but, also, be kind to teenagers. Believe it or not, one day you will look at people not too different than you are now and you’ll see them with a different eye. Fight the urge to judge those who are struggling to find their identity as they emerge into adulthood. Remember who you are at this moment. Don’t forget the good you know is in each of you. It will help you relate to a different generation in years to come. Our world needs more generational-unity. Not less.

Don’t eat processed cheese.

The lessons you’ve learned in childhood apply equally well in adulthood. Running with scissors is still a bad idea. So is eating paste. Sharing what you have with others will always be noble while hitting is generally frowned upon. Holding hands with those you love will never get old and first kisses are still pretty awesome.

Adulthood does have it’s pluses, which you’ll find out. While first kisses are awesome, kissing your spouse every day for 23 years is pretty awesome too. Not having homework is nice until you suddenly find yourself trying to help your own child do his or her homework and haven’t a clue what you’re looking at. As for children, may you one day wake up and hear the pitter patter of little feet. May you hear the glee in the laughter of a child you helped create and may you sit back and marvel at the wonders that life has to bestow.

You have your whole life in front of you. You’ll make some mistakes. Of course, you will. But don’t let the mistakes define you. Instead, focus on each small success that you encounter. Celebrate life in its simplest form. If you do this, your life will be happy, content. And that’s all anyone should ask for.

But don’t forget the virus protection.

I’m guessing the person who first proposed “Daylight Saving Time” was not a parent whose kids did not yet sleep through the night. I’m not looking forward to losing a precious hour of sleep.