Q&A: Part II
Nat asked: What should parents of single children, never say/ask (to) parents of twins/multiples?
Well, you’d be surprised what people do ask parents of multiples. Here’s a list of the most common questions and things people have said to us that make me shake my head…
–Did you have them naturally or through IVF?
–A boy and a girl? Are they identical?
–Boy, you have your hands full!
–I’ll bet you don’t sleep at all!
txhorns93 asked: This is a boring question, but…what stroller do you recommend for two children?
This is a matter of preference. There are basically two options. A side-by-side stroller or a front-to-back stroller. Andrea and I opted for the front-to-back stroller because of the ability to put our infant carriers in the stroller. We also liked the maneuverability that the stroller provided. The stroller we chose was the Graco Duoglider Travel System that included one of our infant carriers. As the babies get older, we may switch to a side-by-side to allow for ease in getting them in and out, but for now this works for us.
Surcie asked: Do you plan to have more kids?
Aaaah, the million dollar question. When Andrea and I first got married, we were pretty much in agreement that we wanted two kids. But when we found out we were having twins, we began to question that number. The only downside to having two at once is that we won’t be able to go through the cute baby stage again. For a while, I was campaigning to have a third baby. Andrea, having just carried two huge babies to full-term was, understandably, a bit more reserved about this. Now that we have both weathered a year and I reflect on how tired we are, i think we’re most likely done. Financially, we are probably not in a position to have another baby and still be able to do all the things we’d like to do as a family. The one thing we have considered, if our circumstances change in a few years, is the possibility of adopting a third child. This appeals to both of us as Andrea, herself, was adopted and I would love to give a child a loving home.
Samantha asked: As someone who desperately can’t wait to have children (gotta wait till the hubby gets a job), is it really as expensive as they say it is?
Yes. And no. It’s hard to answer this question because what one person might “need” another person will look at it as just the opposite. Daycare is the #1 expense for us, but some people may not have to pay for daycare because one of the parents stays home or they have a relative close by willing to do the job. We Andrea has breastfed the twins and that has saved us considerably on food costs during the first year. Now that we have started solids, I have made almost all of the baby food they eat. Clothing can get expensive but we have an angel in my mother who has bought virtually all of the clothing that TheMonk and Swee’Pea have worn to date. Having said that, you really only need 10 to 12 outfits and a bunch of onesies and pants for the first year. They grow out of the outfits fairly quickly so having tons of clothes makes it hard to wear them all a bunch of times. Some other expenses that we have encountered that some people don’t think about, is added health insurance expense and the co-payments for doctors appointments and medications. Saving for college is also an expense that can’t be put off for too long. So, yes it can be expensive but, actually, I’m rather surprised how far we’ve been able to make our dollars stretch. The tax break at the end of the year was nice and the ability to deduct some our childcare expenses also helped. My advice? Be prepared budget-wise and then brace yourself in case you have twins!
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I feel like hugging you for wanting to adopt.
Maria
Comment by mdvelazquez — May 10, 2006 @ 2:40 am
Okay, so not only are our children alike, but we are, too. I have the same stroller. Chris and I had agreed on only two children from the outset. However, when it was twins, I found myself trying to renege on that agreement, only to have Chris hold steadfastly to it. And obviously, we get asked all the same questions.
But we part ways on #4. I only breastfed for 4 months, I stay home, and I serve Gerber to my babies. And I would say, yes, it is damned expensive!
Comment by Amy — May 10, 2006 @ 4:20 am
I had my kids close in age and I get some of the same comments and used to have the same stroller. I get so tired of “You must be busy” and “You’ve got your hands full” Most people think I have 2 sets of twins and one in the middle and ask, “Are they identical?” None of them look that much alike for one and my oldest two are a girl and boy and they just assume they are twins. I usually answer, “Somewhat identical in looks, but not in age.” The question that really makes me wonder if people have their heads on straight is when I’m asked (and this has happened twice) “Do you have triplets?” My third one is easily seen as not the same age as my oldest two or my younger two, where do they think that?
Oh, and I nursed all five kids and made homemade baby food for them and have aunts with girls who have given me hand-me-downs. I have had to actually buy clothes from a second hand store for my son everyonce in a while, but it seems like many times, right when we need clothes for him, a friend will give me something, so I haven’t spent much on that. I’m a stay-at-home mom (of course, five kids would cost WAY too much for childcare) and homeschool, so I do pay for school books. I have ING savings accounts for my kids. Only able to deposit a dollar a month, but it adds up and will help in the long run, right?
Ack! This became a long comment. I should have just posted this on my own blog. Sorry.
Comment by Julie — May 10, 2006 @ 9:33 am
We’ve been blessed with hand-me-downs from a few different people who have either a boy or a girl, and don’t plan on having any more. This made it easier for us because then we didn’t have to remember to return things. We, in turn, have been able to lend out clothes to my niece out of the Munchkin’s wonderfully supplemented wardrobe. My sister doesn’t have a lot of room to store things, so she’s glad to be able to give them back after she’s done.
Comment by Deanna — May 10, 2006 @ 11:54 am
Wow. I’m glad my question generated some more comments, as I suck up as much information about child rearing as possible, especially in the finance department. Thanks Matthew for the response. i know it’s different for everyone, but can’t have too much information, ya know?
Maybe one day I’ll start to crap money. Hmmm. . . .
Comment by samantha — May 10, 2006 @ 12:13 pm
Gabe made almost all of our baby food too. It saved us a ton of money, and we have the same stroller as you guys and Amy. It’s a tank, but it does it’s job.
Twins are expensive, but wonderful grandparents and hand-me downs make it easier. Same with breastfeeding, but unless you go cloth, nothing can save you from the diaper costs.
Comment by Sarah — May 10, 2006 @ 6:17 pm
What should parents of single children, never say/ask (to) parents of twins/multiples?
Please don’t ever say that your infant and 3ish year old child (who is walking, talking, eating on their own, likely sleeping much more than an infant and doesn’t have immediate needs like an infant) must be harder to take care of than having infant twins…I can’t believe I heard that come out of someone we know’s mouth. (Biting my tongue…)
Comment by Andrea — May 10, 2006 @ 10:12 pm
Andrea, I haven’t said it was harder than twins, but I once said I think I got a small taste of what living with twins might be like. My youngest two are 15 months apart. At the time, my 15 month old wasn’t walking yet and was still in a crib. She has sensory issues, so she still used a bottle and had to have her food pureed. She didn’t talk at all until she was almost 2 yrs old. When we had to travel, we had to take enough diapers for both of them, two port-a-cribs, our double stroller, the front carrier and the backpack carrier, and our food grinder. It was when we were packing the van that I made that remark. Anyway, I know it wasn’t the same, but it’s the only time I even thought about it.
Comment by Julie — May 11, 2006 @ 6:58 pm
I can’t tell you how many times we’ve had people ask if our Okapis (boy/girl twins) are identical!!! I always wished I had the courage to say some snappy comeback to them. But I am just too darn nice.
Argh!
Comment by JGS — May 11, 2006 @ 8:29 pm
Good post! I hear the “are they triplets” occasionally, my son is 16 months older than my twin girls (they are now ages 8 and 7 years). We had a triple stroller!
Oh and I was really commenting to laugh at your mention of the tax credit. Kelly our youngest was born in November and I breastfed and she wore all the twins’ hand-me-downs. So when tax time rolled around we figured that the government ended up crediting us more than we had spent on her at that point (just diapers and well baby co-pays).
Comment by Katie — May 12, 2006 @ 7:01 am
OH! And how could I forget since we’re on the subject of twins and taxes? My twins were actually due in the middle of January and my husband joked that we were going to the hospital on Dec 31st because they were going to be born that tax year! (They were born Dec 15th.) I’m still in awe of Andrea making it full term.
Comment by Katie — May 12, 2006 @ 7:04 am
Hey man, what happened to my questions????
Comment by Melissa — May 12, 2006 @ 12:23 pm