Editor’s note: This story was originally written on June 8, 2006. Unfortunately, the story did not make it to press. The story is now being run in it’s entirety.

Nursing Strike to Protest Adverse Living Conditions

SOUTHERN CALIFORNIA - A young girl, known in her hometown as “Baby Bri,” has announced a nursing strike to protest what she claims is adverse living conditions. Those closest to her were shocked at her new stance (“What the Hell!?” her father was quoted as saying) while others had seen it coming for weeks now.

“She was throwing tantrums when she didn’t get her way. She was so loud I would leave the room.” Said Nutmeg the Cat.

Her brother TheMonk has pledged his full support for his sister. “I fully support her actions,” he said. “This means I get her milk, right?”

Bri, at her news conference this afternoon, complained that she would no longer subject herself to the whims of “those people.”

“I am my own girl and I’m tired of being plopped onto a pillow and forced to suck milk when I could just as easily get in from that ba-ba thing.” She said. “Besides, someone’s gotta take a stand around here. I’m being forced to take naps and my cheeks are chafed from so many frickin’ kisses.”

Word on the street is that Swee’Pea is trying to get her brother TheMonk to go along with her, but so far she hasn’t received the support she’s looking for. “I love my sister,” he said. “But if she thinks I’m going to give up milk AND naps, she’s loonier than I thought.”

It all might be a moot point, however, as the weaning process will be commencing soon. “I just wanted a little more time with my Sweet Pea.” Her mother sighed. “I guess I’ll just have to admire her independence and let Swee’Pea be Bri.”

“What the Hell?!” her father was, once again, quoted as saying.