It’s hard being a parent. You try and do all the right things. You make sure they eat their vegetables. You make sure they get enough sleep. You teach them how to flick their boogers. (What? Is that just me?)

Anyway, like most parents, I try and take my role seriously. As does Andrea. We know it is our responsibility to teach them all the things they need to know. We’ve helped them learn to crawl and then walk. We’ve taught them how to feed themselves. We have even taught them sign language. We have done a lot of things right – if I do say so myself.

It is with this in mind that I am ashamed to admit an area where we have failed:

Our kids mess up animal sounds.

I know, I know! We’re failures. But it’s not entirely our fault. I mean, when we see a duck we’ll tell Swee’Pea that a duck goes, “Quack, Quack!” Can we help it if Swee’Pea feels compelled to respond back with a “Grunt, Grunt?” I mean, we’re trying really hard to make Swee’Pea understand that ducks don’t sound like they’re trying to drop a load in their diaper but Swee’Pea just doesn’t get it.

And then there’s TheMonk. We don’t have a dog. When you don’t have a dog it’s really hard to get your child to imitate dog sounds. Not that we haven’t tried. I mean, I don’t mean to brag but I’m pretty darn good at barking like a dog. I can do a big St. Bernard-type bark or a short, Chihuahua-type bark. I’m good. However, apparently, not good enough.

But again, we’re not to blame! Is it really our fault if the only two real dogs TheMonk hears on a regular basis are the whiny dog chained up in the yard next door or the daycare provider’s little bitch (I’ve always wanted to say that) who cries all the time? No! Then is it any wonder that when we ask TheMonk what sounds a dog makes, he whines and whimpers?

No, Monk, No! Bark, man, Bark!

*Sigh*

All I can say is we’re not giving up. I’ll keep barking and quacking until they get it right. I’m willing to do whatever it takes to make sure my kids aren’t ridiculed in pre-school for being the odd ones who can’t bark like a dog or quack like a duck.

Arf! Arf!

Quack! Quack!