Confessions of a Father
Now that we’re nearing the end of the year, it’s time to cleanse my soul of all most of my transgressions this past year. I am certainly not perfect and the following admissions will attest to that.
I have been known to buy toys in the 3+ age group for my 18-month toddlers.
When I forget to wash their face before we head to daycare in the morning, I have been known to give them a “spit shine” before we get out of the car.
I have invoked the “five-second-rule” when a key piece of food falls to the floor during feeding.
I have called TheMonk “Swee’Pea” and Swee’Pea “TheMonk”. I have also called Nutmeg “TheMonk” and “Swee’Pea”. I have also called my wife “Swee’Pea” (but, thankfully, not “TheMonk”).
When I haven’t brushed my kids teeth before bed I think, “These are just their baby teeth. They still have a do-over.”
One time, I knew TheMonk had a poopy diaper before we left for daycare and I pretended I didn’t know so I wouldn’t have to change it.
I once told TheMonk and Swee’Pea that their yogurt was “all gone” because I wanted to finish it myself.
Finally, I have told them I love them but the truth is, words cannot describe how I feel each and every time I lay eyes on them.
Aaah. That was very liberating. You should try it. Now, if you’ll excuse me, my kids need their faces washed.
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When you get a puppy to lick the kids clean, then we’ll know that you need help.
I, too, am guilty of buying “older” toys for my children. If the toy is not a choking hazard, then my feeling is that the age recommendations are totally arbitrary.
I wash and vacuum my floors. The kids need to build up their immune systems. I am all for the 5 second rule.
I did the poopy diaper one to my mother once… I was leaving to go shopping without the kids, and I knew he was poopy, so I tipped her off while I was walking out the door. I have sinned.
Comment by Deanna — December 6, 2006 @ 11:47 pm
Consider yourself absolved, my son, for the sins of father shall NOT be visited upon his children…and add one Oye Vey, one Aye Dios Mio and a Good Grief just to cover all the bases.
Comment by Grandmother — December 7, 2006 @ 12:17 am
The brushing teeth one has totally happened in our house. I’ve been guilty of lettig them sleep in the clothes they wore that day and they may or may not have worn those same clothes the next day to the store. I’m not sure, I’m just saying it may have happened. I’ve gotten ready for work and had my 21 month old come up and tell me she’s stinky, I leave and then call my husband from the car and let him know that I “forgot”. Good times. Blamng gas on the kids is a good one too. Always works. And Matthew? I love your mother. Her comments are the ones I look forward to reading the most. Keep on rockin’ Grandmother.
Comment by Trish — December 7, 2006 @ 9:36 am
Guilty. Spit and elbow grease go a long way with me, and brushing teeth seems to fall between the cracks. Hopefully there won’t be cracks in their teeth anytime soon.
Comment by whit — December 7, 2006 @ 12:27 pm
That yogurt thing totally made me laugh out loud!
Comment by samantha jo campen — December 7, 2006 @ 2:35 pm
Ahhh the daycare drop and dump….literally.
I’ve done almost all of those myself. And hell my oldest made it to five, so I think your’s will be just fine.
Comment by Melissa — December 7, 2006 @ 5:22 pm
Dude don’t feel bad about the 5 second rule…I’ve been known to fight a sugar ant for an M&M.
Comment by Bill — December 7, 2006 @ 9:46 pm
One time, I knew TheMonk had a poopy diaper before we left for daycare and I pretended I didn’t know so I wouldn’t have to change it –
I am Soo glad it’s not just me.
Comment by cryitout — December 8, 2006 @ 9:03 am
Ahh, the spit shine! A parent’s exclusive privilege. My biggest transgression this year was getting my toddler potty trained with dry diapers for a almost a week, then getting sick of the whole thing and making her use diapers again.
“Mommy – I need to go potty.”
“For crying out loud – just use your diaper.”
“Potty PLEASE!”
“Not now!!”
Comment by sarah — December 11, 2006 @ 9:08 am