It was bath night last night at chez childsplay. Instead of our usual J&J shampoo, we tried a new body wash & shampoo – made especially for children or those, like me, who just act childish.

While drawing the bath, I poured some liberally into the tub to make bubbles and, once ready, launched the kids into the tub to begin our ritual of “let’s see how much water we can get on Daddy.” After I was they were sufficiently wet, we then applied the fragrant, blue body wash onto the bodies of Swee’Pea and TheMonk. To top it off, I applied fragrant, green shampoo onto their hair and let that sit there while washing them. We then thoroughly rinsed with my handy sprayer. A job well done.

This morning, while getting Swee’Pea’s out of her PJs and into her clothes, I notice her scratching her belly. “Does your belly itch, Swee’Pea?” I asked. “Yeah,” she replied scratching her navel, “my belly itches a lot.” I looked and noticed a few red splotches around her belly. I applied some cortisone cream onto her belly, finished getting her dressed and headed off to breakfast. No time to worry about a little itchy belly, we had places to go and people to see.

Fast forward to this evening. I return home and check Swee’Pea’s belly. Not only are the splotches still on her belly, they have spread. She has them on her arms, her neck and back – and they still itch. It is then we decide to give her a bath with some Aveeno oatmeal powder to help soothe the rash.

I marched Swee’Pea up the stairs but soon I could hear the cries of protest of TheMonk from the other room. Suddenly, he appears with a face coiled in agony screaming “I WANNA GO UPSTAIRS TOO!!!” Only, it was through tears and gritted teeth so it came out, “I WAAAAAAN GUUUUUU UPSTEEEEEEEEEEERRRRSSSS TUUUUUU!” What the hell. C’mon up kid.

So there we go, Itchy Swee’Pea, Sniffling Monk, along with chuckling Mommy and Daddy – shaking our heads at TheMonk’s burning desire to tag along. We head on up to the bathroom where I start to draw a bath. Mommy hands me a packet of the powdered oatmeal and I pour it into the bath. This intrigues both Swee’Pea and TheMonk. “What’s that, Daddy?” asked Swee’Pea. “It’s oatmeal, Sweetie,” I reply. “Isn’t that silly?”

“Yeah, silly. Heh-heh” Swee’Pea agrees with a little hesitancy in her voice. It becomes apparent that she’s having second thoughts about this bath thing. After all, she’s more of a Cream of Wheat girl nowadays and the thought of sitting in some oatmeal doesn’t sound all that appealing. TheMonk, on the other hand, becomes VERY intrigued. “Oatmeal? In the bath?! DIDN’T I TELL YOU?!! IT IS MY DREAM TO BATHE IN OATMEAL!!! I am SO there!”

But, sadly, this bath is not for TheMonk. He doesn’t have an itchy belly and he will not be getting to fulfill his dream of bathing in oatmeal (with copious amounts of brown sugar and cinnamon, no doubt) this evening. Instead, I strip Swee’Pea down and begin to put her into the murky water. Apparently thinking she’s going to get mistaken for brown sugar and cinnamon, Swee’Pea starts to scream as I lower her into the cloudy, warm water. At the exact same time, TheMonk realizes he’s not getting a bath and starts screaming too.

Before we know it, Swee’Pea is screaming because she doesn’t want to bathe in oatmeal and TheMonk is screaming because he does want to bathe in oatmeal.

*Sigh*

Like I said, welcome to our life.