Grand-numm-ah had it coming
We are on the telephone, speakerphone turned on, so Grandmother can speak to Swee’Pea and TheMonk in one of her weekly attempts to sway the kids into providing for her in her old age.
Swee’Pea, who makes you earn her love, has run off to paint but TheMonk stays to play dress-up with a Barbie doll while talking to Grandmother, whom he affectionately calls, “Grand-numm-ah”
This particular conversation is soon after Grand-numm-ah had spent some time visiting our house. Soon after, she learned that privacy in the bathroom doesn’t exist in our house and locks are put on doors for a reason. TheMonk, perhaps honing his skills at an early age, will bust in on your shower any time he damn well pleases. And he’s observant.
The conversation begins to wane as TheMonk struggles to put a sparkly “Barbies a whore” blouse on the doll. He pauses to take in Barbie’s curves and asks, pointing at her incredible rack, “What are those called?”
I so want to tell him something that will mess his life up for a good long while. I want to tell him they’re “Chi-Chis” or “Bazookas” or “Tom and Jerry.” But my mother IS on the phone and that kind of stuff isn’t nearly as fun when your own mother is there to pass judgment so I tell the truth, “They’re breasts.”
“Oh.” says TheMonk. “Do I have breasts?”
“No,” I say. “You don’t have breasts. Only women get breasts like that.”
“Oh. Does Grand-numm-ah have breasts?”
“Um, yeah.” I say, trying to clear my mind of any visual that will cause me horrendous nightmares later.
And then, TheMonk, with all the enthusiasm a four-year-old can muster, shouts out…
“Yeah! And they’re HUGE!!!”
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Oh. My.
LOL!!!
Comment by Deanna — July 31, 2009 @ 1:53 am
Hee hee hee… Hey, he’s just keeping it real Dad.
Comment by Kate — July 31, 2009 @ 8:07 am
Wow. Be sure to remind your son of this story when he’s like 15. Awesome.
Comment by cindy w — July 31, 2009 @ 8:12 am
LOL. I just want to know Grandmother’s response.
Comment by Rose Broce — July 31, 2009 @ 9:08 am
this is yet just further proof that I NEED a boy
Comment by melissa — July 31, 2009 @ 9:11 am
I love that. I’m also impressed that he was putting clothes on the Barbie. My two daughters always had a Barbie nudist colony in our house.
Comment by kathygee1 — July 31, 2009 @ 9:47 am
Ahhhhhh kids. They only speak the truth.
Comment by DCUrbanDad — July 31, 2009 @ 10:36 am
That’s ok… a friend of my little sister’s told the Brownie troop she couldn’t wait to be a grown-up lady like her Mommy with boobs down to her belly button.
Comment by Lauren — July 31, 2009 @ 11:04 am
Was there a ::THUMP:: on the other end of the line? Or did she bust out laughing? Classic.
Comment by Maura ~ @MoBurns67 — July 31, 2009 @ 11:32 am
Oh dear… I think that even I am now scarred for life…
Comment by tracey — July 31, 2009 @ 1:23 pm
Your son’s comment about breasts was priceless. I can’t
wait for Theo to say those amazing things kids always say
and you have to hold back your laughter. (I’m backtome’s
Mom and Theo’s proud grandma!)
Comment by Mike Patt — July 31, 2009 @ 2:36 pm
Aw, they grow up so fast. I’m assuming you’ll be adding this one to the baby book, yes?
Comment by Chicky Chicky Baby — July 31, 2009 @ 3:38 pm
No Comment.
Comment by Grandmother — July 31, 2009 @ 5:04 pm
HA! I love kids.
Comment by Jen — July 31, 2009 @ 6:57 pm
I figured Grandmother would have a comment on this post. Leave it to kids!
Comment by Stacy — July 31, 2009 @ 7:56 pm
Beautiful.
Comment by Sean — August 1, 2009 @ 6:27 am
My boys are 12, 9, 7 and there is still no privacy!
Comment by Kila — August 1, 2009 @ 10:11 pm
oh yeah, they are observant alright. And they never forget anything. Except to put toys back. Or brush their teeth. But anything mildly awkward or inconvenient, they’ll remember for a LONG time.
Comment by Elisa — August 2, 2009 @ 8:11 am
It’s a pivotal parenting moment when we realize it’s really our children who are scarring us.
Comment by maggie, dammit — August 2, 2009 @ 11:41 am
Awesome. It could have been worse, he could have asked about lower anatomy.
Comment by anymommy — August 2, 2009 @ 1:48 pm
I bet Grandma loved it… secretly, but I betcha she did
.
Comment by Karen MEG — August 4, 2009 @ 8:50 pm
Go, Grandma!
Comment by Miss Britt — August 5, 2009 @ 4:37 pm
My cousin, who was 4 at the time, walked in on me in the shower, stood, stared and asked his mother if my boobies would ever be as big as hers.
Observant, that one.
(Also, my word verification was Rhinos, which is odd since that’s your header. Am I an uber-dork not realizing that everyone’s is rhinos, or just the victim of a crazy random happenstance?)
Comment by Overflowing Brain (Katie) — August 5, 2009 @ 5:15 pm
I love your kids.
Comment by samantha jo campen — August 10, 2009 @ 7:08 pm