Being a parent is hard work. No one tells you that when you tell someone you want to have kids. Personally, I think it’s a conspiracy to encourage people to have kids that are more messed up than our own. You know, to improve our kids’ chances of getting into college.

The hardest part of parenting, for me, is being consistent with rules and consequences. It’s hard but it’s really the only way your kids will not grow up to be whiny little brats on some reality television series. Trust me on this. So if the rule for hitting is a timeout, then they get a timeout. If the rule for whining is they have to watch an hour of baseball, then dammit, follow through.

The second hardest part of parenting is the whole “Tell the truth, don’t tell lies” thing. If there is a grayer area in the code of parenting (nay, life) I don’t know what it is. If someone asks, “How do I look?” kids will tell you exactly how you look. They need to learn a certain decorum that will keep them from getting hit/slapped/sent to sleep on the couch. It’s a responsibility I don’t take lightly.

But it’s a fine line, I tell you. For example, this one has literally kept me up at nights with its delicate nature…

When either Swee’Pea or TheMonk farts, do I a) ask them to say “excuse me.” or b) teach them to blame their sibling? Answer A would be the socially acceptable answer. Answer B would be the one that would make me giggle more.

OK, maybe that one’s not so tough after all.