There comes a responsibility of having two babies at once that is hard to comprehend until it happens to you. I would say the hardest thing for me is to give both JT and Bri the same amount of attention. This is especially true when they are both unhappy and crying and I’m the only one around. I go to comfort one and watch as the other one looks at me holding his or her sibling and a feeling of guilt washes over me. I want to be there for both and sometimes that’s just impossible.

This weekend our babies were sick. In the Childsplayx2 household, since I don’t have boobs and don’t have my nipples yanked and bitten on a daily basis, I have night-time duty. If the babies get up, Daddy gets up. This has gotten easier and easier as they are just about sleeping through the night. Except when they’re sick. This weekend, both had coughs and were incredibly congested. It was a rough couple of nights.

Early Sunday I am awakened by both babies crying. I go to JT first hoping to calm him down since he is usually the easier of the two to get back to sleep. I have no such luck so I go to Bri hoping for a miracle. It doesn’t happen. They both want to be comforted and I can tell both are still tired. I scoop both of them up and carry them to our chaise lounge and pull a blanket over us. Bri gets tucked into my left arm, facing out. JT lies on my belly and rests his head on my chest. It’s still fairly dark out and we lie there in the warmth of the blanket.

Before long, both are sleeping in our early morning cuddle. I glance down at their angelic faces and I am struck by how fortunate I am. For so long I wanted a little one to share my life with - and now I have two. Two little ones who love being held by their daddy, feeling safe, secure and a little bit tired. Yes, they may be a lot of work and yes, it would be easier with one. But I wouldn’t have it any other way.

Crying babies.

Loud, crying babies.

No nap.

Angry, loud, crying babies.

*Cough, Cough, Cough*

Sick, angry, loud, crying babies.

Did I mention no nap?

Tired, sick, angry, loud, crying babies.

help me.

Proof I’m losing my mind…

1) I started the microwave to re-heat my dinner last night. When it beeped to tell me it was ready, I went to the microwave, opened the door, only to find the oven empty. I glanced down to find my still-cold food sitting on the counter.

2) President’s day is going to be the end of me. Not only did we drop off the twins at childcare, not knowing they were closed last week, I seem to be the only person on my block who didn’t get the memo that our garbage service would still be picking up the trash on Monday - even though they have never picked up the garbage on any other holiday. Thank goodness I have a year to prepare for next President’s day.

3) I have not been able to get the song, Horse With No Name, out of my head. MAKE IT STOP! FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, MAKE IT STOP!

4) If my head wasn’t attached, it would be somewhere I wouldn’t think to look - like behind the dryer or on the top shelf of the fridge. For example, I currently have no pens in my office at work. I used to have dozens of them. I even bought myself a set of distinctive-looking pens so I wouldn’t lose them. Yeah, that worked real well. Yesterday, I had to ask someone on the phone to wait a second while I grabbed a pen. Then I ran to the office down the hall, grabbed a pen off of my co-worker’s desk, and ran back. I’m hopeful the caller didn’t think I was coming on to her - what with all the heavy breathing and all.

5) Andrea and I make “kissing noises” as we walk into a room the other is in. It’s a way of greeting each other in a loving way - even if we’re just walking through. Of course, we’ve now started to do this with the babies. Kissing noises happen all around. We’ve been doing this for years and I have never given a kissing noise to anyone else - until this week. Earlier, Grandmother was the recipient (which isn’t so bad). Yesterday, someone who I supervise came into the room, we talked briefly and as she left I gave a kissing noise. (She was already out the door and I’m 99% sure she didn’t hear me - because she has a great sense of humor and would have called me on it in a second - but it was still pretty embarrassing).

So, if this keeps up I might need professional help. A professional massage, for example, would be ideal. Wish me luck.

*kissing noise*

Yesterday I chronicled our attempt to get out of the house only to find we had the wrong day for the community party. Anyone can make that mistake right?

Well, today we might have topped that.

You see, here in the United States we celebrate President’s Day in February. It commemorates the birthdays of President George Washington and President Abraham Lincoln. Their birthdays are a little over a week apart and on calendars here in the U.S., they print their birthdays but also acknowledge President’s Day which this year will be next Monday, the 20th. No one celebrates both Lincoln and Washington’s birthdays together. No one. And when I say no one, I mean absolutely no one.

This is important to know because when we started daycare our provider gave us a nice list of holidays that she would be closed. I noticed that they pretty much coincided with Andrea’s holidays (the YMCA is almost never closed) so I didn’t give it much thought. (Do you see where I’m going with this?)

Today I arrived, as usual, at 8:00 a.m. to drop off the kids. Our provider’s daycare is in her home and it’s not unusual to have her family there when I drop off the twins. The twins are treated like royalty by the whole family. Our provider is from the Middle East (I forget which country) and her mother lives with them. Her mother speaks no english but obviously has taken a liking to the twins - especially Bri. When I arrived today the grandmother answered. She smiled and talked to me in her native tongue and I smiled faintly - not understanding a single word. She started unbuckling the kids and I signed the kids in. The grandmother gave me some hand signals that indicated our provider was in the shower. I shrugged this off and, while unusual, didn’t cause me to stop and think. I gave the babies a kiss goodbye and said goodbye to the grandmother who seemed delighted that the twins were there. I left feeling good.

This afternoon I got a call from Andrea after she picked the kids up. “Did you know daycare was supposed to be closed today?” she asked.

“Um. (racking my brain) Noooo” I replied. “Why didn’t she call me, if they were closed?”

“She said she didn’t have anything else planned and it wasn’t a problem at all.”

Okay. But I still feel extremely embarrassed. The provider even turned down Andrea’s offer to pay her the “Holiday Rate.” Andrea is out right now purchasing a very nice Valentine’s Day gift for our very nice daycare provider.

So, three questions come to mind:

1) Would Mary P. keep my kids without even a phone call on her day off?
2) When does this “New Parent” fog lift and we start acting like the responsible people we once were?
3) Don’t you wish your kids were as cute as mine?

A while back we got a flyer in the mail announcing there would be a community party at the community center in our neighborhood. Andrea and I thought this would be a great opportunity to get out with the babies because, let’s face it, going anywhere with the twins requires a lot of planning and always leaves us feeling a bit drained.

So Saturday arrived and we began preparations to get out of the house for the noon start of the party. We picked out cute outfits for the twins and Andrea and I planned our morning. While the babies were doing their 10:00 a.m. breast feeding session, I would shower and get ready myself. After the babies were done breast feeding, Andrea would shower and get ready while I fed them their oatmeal and then dressed them.

Our planning worked flawlessly. At about 11:45 a.m., we all congregated in the loft. Andrea looked great. She had put on makeup, styled her hair, and was wearing shorts and a t-shirt that would leave people doubting that she had twins just eight months ago. The babies looked great too. They were fed and happy. We gathered our belongings to bring downstairs to load everything into the stroller. For some reason, Andrea decided to look at the flyer we received in the mail.

“What’s the date today?” she asked.

“It’s the 11th.” I replied.

Andrea looked up at me and slowly handed me the flyer.

I glanced down at the flyer. Underneath the “You are cordially invited…” stuff it had the particulars starting with the date.

DATE: February 12, 2006

We looked at each other in disbelief. All that preparation, down the tubes. We briefly considered going somewhere else but we knew we couldn’t go far because they’d have to eat in another hour and a half. So, we changed them to normal clothes while cursing our foggy brains that eight-month-old twins have wrought.

Today, we did it again. Only this time we made it to the party. A good time was had by all.

Daddy & JT

Mommy & Bri

A while back, Dutch wrote at length about the best “tag teams” in the history of the WWF (I’m sorry, but I’m old school and I’ll never call it the WWE).

While I can’t argue with the likes of the Killer Bees and Hulk Hogan and Randy “Macho Man” Savage, I’d like to propose another great tag team in the making: JT and Bri.

In fact, yesterday they had a match of the ages, as described in the following news clip…

SAN DIEGO, Calif. - It was a battle of the ages. One that had been brewing for the past 7 and a half months. While the well-established tag team duo of Mommy and Daddy felt confident in their ability to take on any and all challengers, the newly established team of JT and Bri quietly plotted their triumphant debut in the ring.

While the unsuspecting Mommy/Daddy team were blissfully sleeping, JT and Bri had all-night planning sessions on how to bring down the formidable duo. When the much-anticipated match-up finally occurred yesterday afternoon, those who had ring-side seats would never forget the day JT and Bri flexed their collective muscle.

Their plan was simple yet brilliant in its execution. While one of the twins would distract Mommy with their cuteness, and playfully coo and laugh while Mommy played, the other would attack Daddy with a ferocity not yet seen in the Childsplayx2 household. In round One, JT played quietly with Mommy while Bri rough-housed with Daddy on the floor. Bri soon showed that the team of JT and Bri were ready to challenge for the title by distracting Daddy with a cute smile and then delivering a massive head butt to the nose. Daddy staggered back, eyes watering and he glanced up at his tag team partner Mommy, hoping to tag out to regain his composure.

Unfortunately for him, JT was busy keeping Mommy preoccupied and she did not see Daddy’s attempt to tag out. Daddy sneezed a couple of times - a result of his still-smarting blow to the nose. Bri, smiled at Daddy as if to entice him to engage her once again. The trick worked and Daddy came at Bri. They danced around the room until, once again Bri sensed Daddy was vulnerable. She deliverd another ferocious head butt, this time to the lip, causing Daddy to reel once again. As Daddy checked his lower lip for blood, he could feel it swelling considerably. Surely, he thought, Bri must be hurt too. He glaced at her but her smile showed that she wasn’t hurting at all. Daddy, sensing he was in trouble, attempted to tag out once again.

This time he was able to get Mommy’s attention. However, Bri with a cat-like quickness, tagged JT first and before he knew it, JT was engaging Daddy in rough house as well. Daddy, sensing he had to come with his “A” game in order to survive this surprising challenge came charging at JT as he lay on the floor. JT was not impressed, however, and maneuvered to deliver a quick but decisive blow to Daddy’s head with his powerful legs. His massive mallet-like feet came thumping down with a quick “One-Two” to the head and Daddy went down for the count.

Pandemonium erupted as Daddy was declared out! Mommy and Daddy didn’t know what hit them. Shrieks of glee were echoing through the house while Daddy lay on the floor dazed and confused.

JT and Bri’s celebration was short-lived however, as Mommy filed a protest with the commissioner. The commissioner sentenced JT and Bri to a nap while Mommy and Daddy had time to recuperate. Foiled by the sly maneuverings of Mommy and Daddy, JT and Bri took their nap in protest - continually crying out. Mommy and Daddy were undeterred, however, and JT and Bri finally accepted that they would have to fight another day.

While the outcome wasn’t quite what JT and Bri were hoping for, they have certainly established themselves as a force to be reckoned with. Mommy and Daddy now know they cannot take these well-coordinated foes lightly. It is certain this will be a great rivalry, pitting age and experience against youthful guile, for years to come.

It’s early morning and I have been given a special treat. You both have chosen to sleep in. I have almost forgotten what it was like to wake up on my own. I stir awake and glance at the clock. It’s not quite 6:00 a.m. I lie there, thinking of you when I hear one of you start to stir.

I get up and glide down the hall towards your room. The sun is still minutes away from rising in the east and it’s dark. I head into your room to see which one of you is awake. We still have about 10 minutes before it’s time to get up and my hope is I can scoop up whoever’s awake and spend some one-on-one time before we have to all get up and get ready for our day.

Today, it’s JT who’s decided to wake up. You have turned over, as you have been doing most nights for the past few weeks, and you are on your belly. You don’t see me coming and, before you know it, I’ve scooped you up and we make our way out of the room. We settle into the chaise lounge in the loft and I pull a blanket up around us. I lie on my back and place you on my belly. You look up at me, binky still in your mouth, and we make eye contact in the early morning darkness. You smile as you recognize it’s me you’re with. I smile back and sneak a quick kiss on your chubby cheek. You snuggle your head into my face and we embrace for a few seconds. You lie still with only your fingers lightly scraping my forearm as you play with the hair on my arms. Soon enough, you lift your head and we look at each other again.

“Good morning, Chunky Monk,” I say. As the silence is broken, you smile again and make a low gutteral sound as you reach out with your hand to touch my face. Your little hands dance across my cheeks, nose and into my mouth. I playfully bite your finger. I then suck your finger into my mouth as you giggle at the sensation. I then roll you onto your side and we continue to look at each other. I am struck by how different you look today. Older? Yes. But it’s something else too and I can’t quite put my finger on it. I don’t dwell on it, however. Instead I continue to gaze at you as you again explore my face with your little fingers.

Again, I steal another kiss. I hold you close and I can smell your skin. I inhale deeply as I realize these days will come to an end. I try not to think about the day you won’t want to snuggle with your Daddy. It’s coming, I know. But it’s not today and we both seem content to just lie in the warmth of the blanket and talk to each other. “I love you my little man.” I tell you. By now your binky has dropped from your mouth. At times, this would cause great distress but you don’t seem to care right now. Instead, you lean forward once again. I’m not sure what you’re doing until I see your open mouth approach my face. I turn slightly, giving you access to my cheek. Sure enough, you plant a big, wet kiss on my cheek. As you pull away, we make eye contact and we both smile. You seem proud of your newfound ability to kiss. My chest feels like it will burst with love, joy, and pride all mixed into one.

As I look at you I cannot believe that I’m your father and that you are my son. Words cannot describe the love I feel for you at this moment as I watch you play on my belly. I kiss the top of your head as you rest it on my chest and I close my eyes and cherish the moment. I try really hard to burn this memory into my brain. I never want to forget what it feels like to hold you close, on a cold winter’s morning, just the two of us. In the darkness I am reminded of how powerful love between a parent and child can be.

Suddenly, we both hear your sister stirring in her crib. It’s time to get up and start our day. I carry you into the bedroom and we say good morning to Bri as she looks up at us from her crib. Her bright smile fills the room and I am reminded, once again, how truly lucky I am. I sigh a contented sigh and begin the routine of getting you both ready.

It’s going to be a great day.

(Pssssst. Psssssst.)

Two weeks until Valentine’s day.

Just thought you might like to know.

I was having a conversation with some co-workers today when the subject of fighting came up. It reminded me that I have been in exactly three fights in my life - none after the eighth grade. All three fights were brief and, as best I can recall, I walked away from all three without any major injuries. The three fights are not worth going into great detail but I will say this: I was provoked in all three.

Before I dispense my vast knowledge on how best to handle a fight, I want to make it clear to both of you, JT and Bri, that I will not tolerate any bullying by either of you. If I ever hear that you actually started a fight, you will spend so much time in your room that they’ll erect a plaque in your honor. Am I understood? Good.

First, the best way to handle a fight is to actually avoid the fight. When being provoked into a fight, 99% of the time you can use wit and intellect to avoid a physical fight while still standing up to the antagonist. I have found that a quick, humorous insult directed at the loser in front of you will often confuse the imbecile enough to allow you time to keep on moving (after all, these bullies always seemed to be a few cans shy of a six pack). I would refer to this method as the “jab and run” way to avoid a fight.

Speaking of running, both of you have been blessed with a genetic pool that should make you as fast as lightning (It should be noted, that while I was a pretty decent sprinter and I won my share of races, your mother is the true athletic stud in this family. After all, she was a high school state champion in the Long Jump and the 300 meter hurdles.). Therefore, I want to say to you that there is no shame in running. In fact, I am very fond of the saying, “I’m a runner, not a fighter.” (What, you’re not familiar with that saying?) So, when the opportunity presents itself to get the hell outta Dodge, do it. Sure, people might start calling you Forrest Gump, but that won’t last past high school. I promise.

Having said this, there may come a time where you are cornered and have nowhere to run. Maybe you’re in a crowded room or maybe the smart-ass comments you made earlier have only pissed off your opponent even more (sorry about that). If this happens, I have one piece of advice to give you:

Fight like you’re a frickin’ lunatic.

The one thing I have noticed is that no one really knows how to handle “crazy” when it presents them in the face. And when I say crazy I mean you have to present an arm-flailing, loud-shrieking, crazy-eyed looking, tongue-wiggling, body-hopping, leg-kicking, ankle-biting, hair-pulling, crotch-grabbing, face-scratching, eye-gouging, mouth-drooling appearance. Trust me. That person will not want anything to do with you. Besides, there are no rules when it comes to protecting yourself. Fight dirty if that’s what it takes to get out of there. And, as a bonus, word will spread pretty quickly that no one should mess with that Crazy JT or the Lunatic Bri.

So, that’s it. I guess I should mention that your first thing you should do about a bully is to tell an adult. But sometimes, you gotta defend yourself. Just remember, a lot of crazy will get you home in one piece.

is a really good booger picker. You know, smaller than my finger but bigger than the bulb syringe.

And while were at it, I could use arm and leg restraints for the changing table, clothes that grow with my kid, one extra hour a day, and a third arm (hand optional).

Please let me know if you can be of help.