Sports Talk
Last week Blogging Baby picked up my post about TheMonk and I watching football. One of the comments the Blogging Baby post got was from “Uncle Roger” who outlined his distaste for sports and what they represent.
In his comment he suggests going for a hike and that checking out girls in bathing suits is better than participating in sports.
Well, Uncle Roger, you picked on the wrong guy. See, it just goes to show how we can jump to conclusions based on what one writes on his or her blog.
What Uncle Roger doesn’t know is that I have a Master’s Degree in Sport Psychology. My thesis was titled “The Socialization of Sport: The Role of the Parent in Pressuring and Supporting Children in Sports.” I did countless hours of research regarding the role of the parent. I witnessed the stereotypical “Little League Parents” who yelled at their children to do better. I witnessed children not wanting to play because they didn’t want their parents to yell at them.
So, yes, parents can be a problem when it comes to sports (The main difference: When adults are questioned why one participates in sports, “To Win” is listed as the number one reason. When children are asked why they play sports , “To Have Fun” is the most common answer – winning doesn’t even make the top five.) but parents can also be a great motivator and facilitator when it comes to participating in and even watching sports.
As for what activities are more or less important? All I can say is as a parent I will expose my child to a wide variety of activities. For example, my wife and I enjoy mountain biking, hiking and camping. Of course we will expose our children to this. I’m a pretty good swimmer and I’ll teach my children to swim. I love to play baseball so we’ll play whiffle ball at the local park. I have coached kids in track and field for a number of years so I’ll show them how to take a handoff and explode from the starting blocks. And yes, I’ll even sit down and watch a game with them. We’ll talk about strategy. We’ll talk about the latest transgression of the local sports star. We might have a conversation about the definition of a hero and whether or not that applies to a guy who gets paid to tackle the quarterback.
My point? Aside from the fact that Uncle Roger pissed me off, it is that sports have a valid place in our society. They have the ability to teach values. They teach young children how to win with humility and lose with pride. They teach us that all competition isn’t necessarily bad. They teach us how to rebound from a disappointing loss to fight again. They teach us that life isn’t all about being serious. It’s about enjoying the smooth swing of a Barry Bonds or the leaping ability of a Michael Jordan. It’s about knowing you pushed yourself to the limit and discovered who you really can be. It’s about loyalty and rooting for the team you grew up with in a day when we change spouses and jobs at the drop of a hat. It’s about a father (or mother!) and son (or daughter!) sitting down together and enjoying each other’s company over a football game.
Uncle Roger, it’s too bad you have this attitude towards sports. Get beyond the beer and peanuts aspect of it and our children can learn alot.
(By the way, that “abomination they built in downtown SF” was paid for by private money and is helping revitalize a part of town you wouldn’t have stepped foot in 10 years ago. )
Okay, I feel much better now.
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I couldn’t agree more with the importance of sports in a childs’ life. Jen never played sports as a child because her parents wouldn’t let her. Funny thing is, she’s the most athletic person I know. But, really, that’s besides the point. She missed the enjoyment of it all and the chance to take part in a great forum for learning life lessons. Sports teach you lessons such as learning to tolerate others with a different view point (like being Yankees fans, for instance), how to work as part of a team and learning how to fail with dignity… and more important how to win with dignity. Discounting sports entirely because of the actions of a few players and fans is doing a great injustice to us all.
Comment by More Diapers — October 5, 2005 @ 1:39 pm
Uncle Roger irked me, too, with his response. Team sports can teach a kid a lot of good things–like how to be part of a team! Our five-year-old played soccer this spring, which was an adventure, as he has ADHD and has trouble following directions. But he had a great experience; his coach (who does not know about his diagnosis) was kind and loving; she taught the kids some basic skills, but most of all she emphasized–to the kids AND the parents–that this was all about fun. And fun it was.
I was never a stellar athlete as a kid, but I loved participating in sports. And I will encourage my boys to play sports–and join the band or the drama club or the yearbook or whatever floats their boats–so that they, too, can learn to work with other people and be part of a team.
So there.
Comment by Susan — October 5, 2005 @ 3:12 pm
Wow. Kick ASS! Now I gotta go read Uncle Roger.
Comment by Becky — October 5, 2005 @ 3:31 pm
I agree with you guys. I think children can learn a lot by being part of a team. You can learn how to work with other people to accomplish a common goal. These are skills that these kids will need as adults out in the workforce, or even raising kids of their own. Sports are also great exercize.
Even watching sports can be fun as a group activity. Rooting for a team can make you part of a community. I once hugged another girl I didn’t know in a bar when the Bucs scored a touchdown during a Monday Night Football game.
I also think that winning a game as a part of a group is better than winning a game alone, and losing a game as a part of a team isn’t as bad as losing all by yourself.
Comment by Sarah — October 6, 2005 @ 5:13 am
Uncle Roger was on the swim team? How’d that Speedo work out for you getting dates? If you can’t be an athlete, be an athletic supporter!
Little Dub has watched Pats games with me; cursed right along with me during Sox losses – well, I think they were curses: wgdgjejs! shlottpppf!? I hope he’ll play sports when he’s old enough, but I won’t push him in any direction – though I already have two lacrosse sticks waiting for him. My father was good about sports when we were growing up, so I plan to do the same.
Comment by Mr. Big Dubya — October 6, 2005 @ 5:57 am
I’m going to stick my neck out here and say that I don’t really get into watching sports on television or spending the massive amounts of money on attending live professional games. I was soured on sports during high school (ice hockey, in particular) due to the type of parents you examined in your thesis and the manner in which their pressures manifested in their kids’ poor sportsmanship. Also, my distaste for sports probably has something to do with the fact that I sucked. I probably shouldn’t have chosen a sport that required me to know how to ice skate when I had never done so before our first practice.
I think most men who talk like Uncle Roger (and sometimes me) probably have some deep-seeded animosity towards jocks (or “meatheads,” in the preferred nomenclature ’round our house) that in my case, stems both from getting picked on by them and then turning that inferiority complex into snobbery, i.e. viewing the culture of “sport” as anti-intellectual. During college I went to one Michigan football game in “the big house” and left halfway through, disgusted, muttering something about “bread and circuses” under my breath (in latin). What a pretentious asshole I was.
Now, years later, I frankly don’t think it’s any of my business whether other people ahould or should not enjoy watching sports and occasionally I do find myself hanging on the edge of the seat if the Pistons are in the finals or something. We all have various reasons for liking the things we like and I’ve realized being judgmental about what other people truly enjoy is not a very redeeming quality.
And playing sports is still a lot of fun. There ARE ways to nurture the competitive spirit and values you discussed in your post that don’t involve athletics, but sports is probably the best and easiest way. Sports, like anything, can do damage too. I’ve experienced it. But if your kids enjoy sports, even a sports-hater like me would never dare question your right to raise your son to be sporty mcsporterson. From reading your post, you’ve totally got the right attitude about it for sure. I will be interested in hearing, as your children grow and experience more organized sports, how you’ll relate your knowledge and research from your thesis to what you see going on the playing fields and in the stands at your kids’ games.
Comment by Dutch — October 6, 2005 @ 10:26 am
Reason to watch sports: Yesterday at the Angels/Yankees game, I was struck by how total strangers could share in a moment of total exhilaration and delight. When Cabrera took the lead for the Angels in the seventh inning, my husband and I were high-fiving everyone around us and I remember looking at the stranger sitting next to me and we’re both smiling and totally happy. That just doesn’t happen as often as you might think.
On the other hand, I got totally pissed yesterday when a bunch of obnoxious men behind us kept heckling me to stand up (“Get up! You can stand up! You’re not real fans! This is the f-ing playoffs!”) Man, I’m pregnant and I want to sit down. You can see that. You’ve got no idea what it feels like so if I want to sit down then let me sit down in peace. Just shut up and watch the game.
In high school I had a horrible dance coach who made competitions all about winning and when we lost, it wasn’t about losing graciously. It was…how can he make his team feel like pathetic crap for losing and then talk crap about the team that won and how he can’t believe we’re even crappier than they are. But I also had another coach who actually believed that the point of it all was to have fun, to do your absolute best, to find something in the experience of being on a team and perfecting an art that was bigger than just a competition about winning or losing.
Your paragraph about all the things that sports DO teach children (and adults!) is exactly what I want my child to get out of playing and watching sports.
Comment by Nina — October 6, 2005 @ 10:49 am
I grew up in an era when girls did not have the right to participate in organized sports in school 1964-1968). The troops had not been integrated yet.
Nevetheless,I learned to love baseball from my father. I have fond memories of us watching Roger Maris, Willie Mays, Willie McCovey, Sandy Kofax on dad’s little black and white TV in the bedroom. I and my sons also had the opportunity to share the love of the game with grandpa at Candlestick Park. I treasure the memories of three generations attending games at the ‘Stick.
Later, as the single mother (widowed) of two sons, I encouraged sports. Why? I believed that it was an excellent way for them to interact with men (and a couple of women)of different backgrounds and temperaments. These were people who they might not have met any other way. While this was my goal, the rewards were far greater. The most valuable lesson, I hope my sons learned from them was the art of giving. I am very grateful to all who volunteered their time away from their families to coach rowdy, uncoordinated little boys.
Some of these men have become life long friends of my sons. When I run into some of them on the street they ask me about my sons and remark what nice boys or young men they were and are, as I walk away I feel that their lives were also enriched by meeting Matt and Ben.
My sons are also musicans, actors, avid readers, movie buffs, coaches, computer nerds, runners, swimmers, soccer players, cooks, campers, great husbands, terrific fathers and sports buffs.
I hope to continue the tradition of attending sporting events with my grandchildren JT, Brianna and Thomas.
So, Uncle Rodger put that in your pipe and smoke it!
Comment by Grandomother — October 6, 2005 @ 11:29 am
I’ve just had a quick look at uncle Rogers site, & he appears to be a complete wanker, so don’t worry about ranting against him:-)
On the subject of sport – like everything else, it’s how it’s used that makes it a good or bad influence on the young. At it’s best sport will teach them to active, healthy, fit, sociable, honest, loyal etc etc. at its worse it will teach them to be rude, bigoted, overly competitive, and lazy.
i actively encourage my kids to take part in organised and ad-hoc sporting activities (even though Mstr A is rubbish at everything he’s tried, poor lad). I hope they will enjoy it, learn from it, and meet new friends. I secretly hope they will not be too good, as real talent screws up your childhood. I always check out any clubs they attend very carefully, cos there are some well dodgy people out there, and no I’m not talking about paedaphiles, I’m talking about bad coaches, attitudes & practise in sport.
Comment by Mrs Aginoth — October 6, 2005 @ 11:36 am
If I write everything I think about this topic, your post and the comments herein I’ll simply be repeating what everyone else has said. So let me just say that I completely agree with your position and appreciate your articulate response.
As far as thNut and sports are concerned… I want her to play sports, but only if she wants too. Most importantly I want her to have fun doing it. I will qualify that with the fact that I won’t let her be an easy quitter (start a sport, go to one practice, don’t like it, quit, find new sport, rinse and repeat) as she needs to learn about committment, hard-work and rewards (to name a few things).
Anyway, kudos for being Baby Blogged!
Comment by tod — October 6, 2005 @ 3:43 pm
Matthew, you just kicked Uncle Roger’s ASS! Good for you!
Comment by MIM — October 6, 2005 @ 9:33 pm
Very well said and also my husband now wants to go get that same MA you have.
And on another note…you’re kiddos are all grown up already! Wow, they are precious. You and Andrea are doing a bang up job.
Also since you asked Maltsby will join us in December. Come now to Okinawa and watch me cry about it for the next three months!
Comment by Meredith — October 7, 2005 @ 4:02 am
Go, Matthew!
Comment by Busy Mom — October 7, 2005 @ 10:00 am
Although I played very little sports growing up, I did join my collegiate rowing club. And then I married a guy who played on our collegiate rugby club.
I will never push my child to always win like I see on these Nanny 911 type shows. Sometimes, you just gotta learn how to be a gracious loser. Kids need to learn how to have fun – there’s plenty of time to learn how to be stressed out later in life.
Way to stick to your guns, Matthew. Why is it that playing sports has become so un-PC? So it’s better to let Billy get fat in front of the X-box and develop carpal tunnel and other various CTD’s before he even hits his teens? Gimme a break.
Comment by ieatcrayonz — October 7, 2005 @ 8:14 pm